Can You Hear Me Now?!

According to this article, "Belfast filmmaker George Clarke, a Chaplin fan, says he was watching the "behind the scenes of 'The Circus' " and was "stumped" at what he saw."

Hmmmm.....sounds intriguing. Let's take a look, shall we?

Oh my goodness!! Could it be?! Is it she?!

Could this be an honest to goodness time traveler?

Hell, if I were to travel through time I'd probably walk into a Charlie Chaplain movie too.

"Hey mom! MOM! Hello?! Okay, that's better. You'll never guess where I am. I said, YOU'LL NEVER GUESS WHERE I AM!! No guess!! Alright. I'm on the set of a Charlie Chaplain movie. I said, I'M ON THE SET OF A.....hello? Hello?! Oh damn. The service here is just awful."

Wonder of the person had Verison?

Don't Worry Neighbor, We'll Take You In

I remember being told about a restaurant commercial a couple years ago. This commercial was for a restaurant that I have never heard of and certainly don't work at. For the hell of it, we'll just call it Shmupplebees.

Apparently, in this commercial, all of the staff (servers, cooks, hosts, manager) were leaving work at the same time (because we know that everyone in the restaurant completes their closing work at the exact same time) with smiles on their faces. Smiles. Manager must have been giving his employees some adult happy juice during the shift.

Well, they are about to lock the door and a team pulls up, just having lost their (I'm assuming football) game. They look so dejected about sucking at their sport of choice not being able to enjoy the fine dining experience of Shmupplebees, that the staff immediately unlocks the door, fires up the grills, and changes the lives of these fine young gentlemen of society forever.

What the fuck?

Who made this commercial? This person has obviously never served before. Unless that team brought in a very large bottle of tequila, my ass would've been out of there hightailing it to the nearest bar.

My Choice of Movie Was Better

I was invited to go see Jackass 3D today.

I turned it down. I think it sounds stupid and I think those men are too old to still be farting on each other and kicking each other in the balls.

What did I do instead, you ask?

I went to go see The Social Network.

I'm kind of embarrassed to admit this. Also, I'm slightly embarrassed to admit that I liked it. Not a bad movie. Now I want to invent something that will make me a billionaire.

Maybe a cup that never runs out of alcohol....

Screw it. I'll just keep the box of beer within arm's reach.

Dumpster Diving Isn't Just For Used Furniture Anymore

Yesterday a baby was found in a dumpster right here in the city I live in. It was found wrapped in a plastic bag with the umbilical cord still attached, and still covered in blood, placenta, and whatever other baby fluids birth includes.

My roommate's sister knows a lot of people that work at the chain buy-all-you-could-ever-need-mart, we'll just call it Shwal-Mart. I guess one of the girls that works there was rumored to be pregnant, and showed up to work yesterday without a baby bump. My roommate's sister called the police and talked to them about it. She didn't want to turn the girl in unless she had seen for herself that she was no longer pregnant, so she told the police that she would go purchase a few things at Shwal-Mart and check it out for herself.

I don't know all the details, but apparently Shwal-Mart lady is guilty as sin, and will probably be in jail for a long time. Good.

For all those who are thinking that they just cannot handle having a child, there are other places to dump your baby which are much better than a dumpster. I know the name has 'dump' in it, but it's just not appropriate.

• In the woods. Don't worry, the animals will raise it as their own. It worked for Mowgli didn't it?
• At a nursery. There are other babies there for it to play with so it'll feel at home.
• In a basket. Push it down a river and it might end up royalty.
• In a tree-top. Be careful of the wind blowing; the cradle WILL rock.
• And, last but not least, at any health care facility, police station, fire station, etc. The safehaven law of Kansas states that a baby may be dropped off at any of these facilities within forty-five days of birth. No questions asked!

So, next time you feel like dumping a baby, don't be a freaking idiot. Dumpster dumping winds you in jail. Everyone will be mad at you. They WILL call the police. You should not be allowed to get pregnant. Seriously, you should be sterilized.

There are many ways to give up your child if you do not feel like taking care of it yourself. These ways are both socially acceptable and legal. I don't want to find the bun you took out of your oven next time I'm dumpster diving.

I [[Use]] BraCkEts And [[OdD]] Capatilization BeCausE [[I'm]] So [[AngRy]]!!

I've commented before on stupid facebook statuses. This one is from the same person that I talked about here.

I got on facebook and stalked glanced at my friends' statuses, and ran across this one:

"[[f*ck this]]....f*ck him.. ::f*ck her::.... [[⇒⇒f*ck you⇐⇐]] ....... [[f*ck it]]"

Well.... f*ck your life, I guess.

I think that's what she's trying to say at least. I didn't fully get the message. Maybe if she used 'f*ck' a few more times with a few more brackets I'd understand.

Your Server Is Probably Smarter Than Your Average Bear

I recently came across this site. It is called The Stained Apron, and is a place where servers and restaurant employees can submit their stories about their horrid experiences with, mainly, customers. I made my way to the Morons: Feedback From Idiots section and what I found absolutely appalled me.

Do people really think their servers are that big of idiots? I have been talked down to plenty of times during my years working at Shmupplebees, but I never realized the general consensus that the waitstaff are just a bunch of morons who will never do anything else with their lives.

People in this section left comments berating those who work in the service industry, more or less saying that they should realize that they are pretty much a servant to the general population, quit asking for money (even though it is well known that that is how servers EARN their income) and get a better job if it bugs them so much.

People who are serving tables are usually doing it to get through college. More than that, servers are also often people who have completed college but are having a tough time finding a job due to the crap-ol-a state of the economy. The person serving you could also be the person teaching your child during the day, but can't make enough money at that to live at the standard that they need to.

I just completed school, and have two degrees. You know what I'm doing with those degrees? I'm serving tables. Not because I'm an idiot, but because I can't, at this point, get a better job. And because I'm apparently good at kissing your ass in just the right spot to be able to pay my rent.

Visit this site. If you have never served before try to keep an open mind about what the staff at the establishment you are eating at might be going through. Of course they sound angry. Most people are treating them like dirt because they can't come to terms with the fact that the person they are viewing as their servant will most likely one day be their boss.

More Than Just A Cup Of Coffee

You may be soon able to get a delicious over-priced cold one at a Starbucks near you! No, I'm not talking about an ice-cold latte; I'm talking about a brewskey, a night-cap, a glass filled with the most magical feel-good liquid in the world. That's right, beer.

According to this article, Starbucks is testing the market in Seattle to find out if it will be lucrative to sell alcoholic beverages in their stores. Um....why the hell not?! Granted, given the history of Starbucks prices, you might end up dishing out a twenty in exchange for a pint, but you will look sophisticated doing it.

Yes, Starbucks, I will take my brew and look classy too. Thank you. Adieu.