When In Rome, Find Out What They Don't Want You To Do So You Can Annoy Them

Everyone knows that sudden urge to rebel when someone tells you not to do something. Personally, I get a very strong urge to push a person's face into the dirt when they tell me to do (or not do) something. I think it's called problems with authority. Just ask Shmony and Shmjason.

What it you knew of magical laws across the United States that are just asking to be broken?

Never fear, bloggers, never fear. I can help you.

To read a much larger list of stupid laws, click here. For now, I have compiled a bit of an appetizer for you before heading out into the webs of inter to check it out for yourself.

FLORIDA


If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle
     Do they charge extra for over sized anim vehicles? And if it's a baby elephant can it be parked like a motorcycle?

NEW YORK


The penalty for jumping off a building is death.
     If you don't die on the first attempt do they just take you back up to the top and push you off again?

NORTH DAKOTA


Beer and pretzels can't be served at the same time in any bar or restaurant.
     Can they be served separately and consumed at the same time? Do you have to finish your beer before being allowed to eat a pretzel? Can you share your neighbor's pretzels? Ah, this is too complicated. We'll just serve peanuts.

It is illegal to lie down and fall asleep with your shoes on.
     Next time you fuck with someone after they've passed out drunk with their shoes on in North Dakota, you can inform them that it was your civil duty to do so.

TEXAS


A recently passed anticrime law requires criminals to give their victims 24 hours notice, either orally or in writing, and to explain the nature of the crime to be committed.
     Dear City Bank, I will be robbing you at approximately three p.m. on the third of May. My reason is that I am tired of not being able to pay my mortgage due to the large amounts of cocaine I have to purchase to feed my habit, and I just thought that since you have so much cash on hand it wouldn't be a big deal. You will know me by the black mask with eyeholes that I will be wearing, and the orange daisy which will be pinned to my black sweatshirt.

The entire Encyclopedia Britannica is banned in Texas because it contains a formula for making beer at home.
     Did they ban the internet too? Because I'm pretty sure that there are plenty of webpages that tell you how to make beer.

And my favorite.....

ALABAMA


It is illegal to wear a fake mustache that causes laughter in church
     Are you kidding? How else are you supposed to enjoy church. Have you ever sat through a sermon? Much more enjoyable when wearing a fake mustache that is causing seven year old next to you to burst into fits of loud, inappropriate giggles.

Warning: Angry Rant Ahead

What is it about being a manager that makes people so goddamn useless?

Tonight I was on carside, while having a section at the same time. I ended up getting quite a few togos at once, one of which was almost eighty dollars and quite large.

I asked Shmony to help me, and told him that he needed to keep an eye on the two tables that I had because I couldn't get to them anytime soon (I was putting together the eighty dollar togo at this point). He said he would, and I checked back with him a few times when he would randomly reappear in the kitchen.

After awhile I was still stuck in the back putting orders together and asked him how the tables were doing. He informed me that they were pretty pissed off.

In addition to that I had several servers tell me how pissed off at me the tables were.

I didn't ask some random server who was also busy to help me. I went to the manager and informed him that I was too busy to handle my tables and asked him to take care of it. His affirmation should have meant that he would actually do it, but in actuality I was pretty much an idiot to think that Shmony had the mental capacity to take care of anything except for his need to hit on 19 year old waitresses.

I ended up making twenty-five dollars even though I had almost four hundred in sales. My togos pretty much stiffed me and my tables stiffed me because I was so busy with the togos.

I need a new job.

F. you Shmupplebees (and Shmony)