Say Hello To Me!

Do you have unanswered life questions? Maybe you just want to say hello to me. Well, you're welcome to e-mail me at If nothing else it just makes me happy.

Sunday, March 31, 2013

How Would Jesus Smell?

Well folks, the time of year to celebrate Jesus rising from the dead has come. Personally, I think it was a little inconsiderate of Jesus to rise up after three days of rotting away in a tomb. You know that he didn't bathe in the nearest river right away. No, he had a conversation with Mary Magdalene with his three-morning breath and let her kneel at his unwashed decaying feet. When he came to his followers none of them could even recognize him. That goes to show that not even the son of God can look good after a three day death nap. And Lazarus? He was dead for four days before Jesus decided that he could live a little longer. Don't know what kind of life that could have been afterwards. I've never tried to wash the smell of rotting flesh from myself, but I don't think that shit goes away.

I have difficulty connecting with the Easter story, because it just doesn't make sense to me. I understand the meaning behind it, and I grew up hearing it over and over again. As an adult, though, I have a tougher time believing in people just up and rising from the dead after days and being perfectly fine. I'd rather believe that the zombie apocalypse (which I slightly blame Jesus for starting) is going to occur than believe that people are randomly going to be able to die for three days, walk out of their sealed tomb, and go visit their friends like nothing happened.

"I don't remember the last time I've felt this rested! Praise my father!"

When it comes down to it I wasn't there so I can't say it didn't actually go down the way a bunch of old men who may or may not have been directly involved wrote it forty years after it happened. Maybe it did. If a seven foot tall bunny can break into my house and leave me a neon colored plastic basket filled with candy in the middle of the night without me noticing then maybe a guy can get sealed inside a tomb then rise up smelling like springtime and purity.

Monday, March 25, 2013

The Flu Cancelled My Plans

Well, my days in a row of lying on my couch watching Community non-stop have come to an end. I was supposed to go to a bachelorette party this weekend for Shmishelle, but she woke up with the flu on Friday and it had to be cancelled. Good thing, too, because when I woke up on Saturday I thought that I was on the brink of death.

I don't become sick that often so I am a huge baby when illness even thinks about walking past my door. This time I had the works; fever, runny nose, sneezing, coughing, and whining. Unfortunately, I live by myself and my cat really did not care, so I just complained to myself.

Since the maid of honor ended up getting sick on Saturday as well as Shmishelle and I, it is probably a good thing that we did not go out of town and pay just under a hundred dollars to sit around in a hotel room for two nights and hate the world. I am disappointed that the weekend did not turn out the way it was supposed to, but also am happy that when we do go it will be many degrees warmer and there will be no snow. Since we will be going to a winery, along with going to a dinner theatre and out for drinks afterwards, the warmer weather will make the trip much more enjoyable, although I do think we could have had a blast with a few bottles of wine and our friends in the hotel room if we had needed to. Plus, what better way is there to pretend you aren't sick than by getting just a wee bit tipsy?

What are some things that you did for your bachelor/ette party that were different than the norm?

Sunday, March 24, 2013

Can I Bum One Of Those?

Well, it's that magical time of year again. Time for the birds to start chirping sweet sweet nothings into my window at ridiculous hours of the morning. Time for the trees to start blooming. Time for the grass to start giving those lonely lawn mowers something to live for again.

I am a little late wishing everyone a happy first day of spring, but I have spent the first part of it battling what felt like death but what I assume to be the flu, and staring out my windows wondering why Kansas is covered in something that belongs to the season that should have ended four days ago.

Since I have voluntarily stuck myself inside for the day, I decided to use it to be miserable without cigarettes. Unfortunately, I have some, I just don't want...that's not right. I don't need to smoke one. I would very much like to, so I keep telling myself that I will have one in an 'hour from now' knowing that the hour I am waiting for will copy the concept of 'tomorrow never actually arrives.'

So happy spring, readers. I hope that somewhere you are enjoying warm weather, cold daiquiris, and as much nicotine as your little heart desires.