Say Hello To Me!

Do you have unanswered life questions? Maybe you just want to say hello to me. Well, you're welcome to e-mail me at If nothing else it just makes me happy.

Friday, June 15, 2012

It Could Have Been True Love

Dear 503-457-1003, 

I really appreciate you calling me again today. I'm sorry I haven't answered, but you must understand that you really are a strange number, and it just didn't seem like I would enjoy talking to you. I have looked you up on Google, and have seen the error of my ways. Why, you're just a harmless number, aren't you 503-457-1003? I shouldn't have called back and pressed one after your automated message said that you were a preferred marketing company and I could press a button to be taken off of your list. Now I'm afraid I'll never get the chance to talk to you again. Please give me another chance, 503-457-1003. I think I could really learn to love you.

A lot of people online agree that you just call and call but don't leave a message. This gives the impression that your call cannot really be that important, but we know better 503-457-1003, don't we? Carolyn, Karen, Mona, and many others have been brave enough to answer when your mysterious number shows up, and they found you to be quite rude. I personally thought you were very helpful, however, when Mona asked you how to get off the calling list. You politely told her that the way she could be removed was to suck your dick. Very original, 503-457-1003, very original. You're not like those other boring companies that simply make you press a button, or ask three times before you remove them. You really do have a business that works hard at setting itself apart from the rest, and really standing out and shining. 

We really must know where you are located, though, so that we can make sure to send more customers your way for, what is it that you do? You seem to be really expanding into different areas such as trying to collect fake debts, selling home security systems, and selling air conditioners. Bob D. was nice enough to tell us that these calls were coming from Tillamook, Oregon, where, as he so eloquently put it, "I can only guess must be a hotbed of mental illness. And if your reading this and you are Tillimook well, I'd say something insulting but you've got it bad enough being from someplace called Tillamook."

Uh-oh, 503-457-1003, looks like your giving Tillamook a bad name.

Well, I would love to stay and write more about you, 503-457-1003, but I simply must go sit by my phone in hopes that you will forgive me for taking myself off of your calling list. Thank you again for calling me so many times a day. It really makes me feel better knowing that you care.


To see the other lies people have been spreading about this wonderful, innovative company, go here 


  1. i never answer the phone if i do not have a picture or generic droid cartoon thingy pop up with a name i recognize...

    cell phones texting and the info age piss me off...

  2. I get a lot of spam texts too. I have tried to call back and press one to be taken off their calling list but it has not really worked that well.


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