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Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Thanks Wal-Mart, I Mean Marketside.

Dear Marketside:

I wanted to thank you for the lovely loaf of bread that my roommate bought. How did you know that we were trying to eat healthy?

I really just hate it when I get a loaf of bread and it's way too full of, well, bread. All those terrible carbs that I am forced to put on my sandwiches. I've been waiting for someone to take action and fix this problem for me.

Then you come along, Marketside. You come along with your wisdom and empathy towards our personal needs. How did you know that putting a large hole 3/4ths of the way through the loaf would help us lose weight and feel better about ourselves? You are the smartest, prettiest and simply by far the best company we have ever purchased from. I tell you what. I am a lifelong customer now.

Since we have become so close in the last hour, I'd like to bring something up.

I'm worried about you.

I know that there's a whole lot of hoo-ha in the copywrite/not-ripping-people-off department in this country. I'm worried that you might have stolen this idea from one of the millions of clever 'Ten Tips To Lose Weight Fast' articles I've seen all over

Since we're friends and I don't want you to get in trouble, I thought I should bring this to your attention. I don't want some blogger or small time magazine journalist out there suing you. They might obtain rights to your company and begin making whole loaves of bread again.

We can't have that.

Anyway, thanks again for being so considerate of the low-carb needs out there. You really are the best.

Love and kisses,

Kara and Shmishelle


  1. Hmmm, perhaps I should check out the above mentioned bread, being the carb-conscious dieter that I am. They really take the hassle out of the whole "eating" thing, don't they? (Also, you are hilarious!)

  2. i intend to get all my carbs and empty calories like all real men...

    in uh booze and beer...

  3. P.S. Gimme back my carbs, dammit!


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