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Monday, March 28, 2011

This Is What I Would Have Liked To Say To You

We all like to people watch, right?

Of course we do. That's why we all have blogs. It's a safe place to make fun of those random people you see in your daily lives. It's just not polite to call strangers out on being idiots, so we resort to drunken nights with friends, boring hours with co-workers and, of course, the internet.

Before you read this; don't judge me. Haven't you ever read a magazine? It's full of this shit and you would probably pay money for it.

I have two people that I have 'observed' over the weekend.

The first:

I went to the gas station near my apartment before work at some point withing the last five days. I worked till the wee hours in the morning for multiple days in a row so they blended together. Now none of the memories have days attached to them. They simply belong to 'some day last week.'

I knew that we would be busy so I felt like that the one cigarette I was about to smoke would not be enough to get me through my shift. Off to the gas station I went and was waiting in line when I heard the woman in front of me:

I just LOVE you haircut! It is soooooo cute!!!

I happened to know the girl working behind the counter. She had worked at Shmupplebees as a host for a short while. One of those people that is nice enough but didn't make the right amount of impression (positive impression at least) on me to remain in my life on a personal basis.

Given, her hair did look cute. But judging by the expression on her face she didn't know the customer well enough for the compliment to matter. She looked mainly weirded out by it. I picked up on this and decided that the woman in front of me was not the type I want to be around. I was justified in this by the comment she made immediately afterwards. On her cell phone. Which she was on. The. Entire. Time. She. Was. In. The. Gas. Station. The. Entire. Time.

Yeah I know! I've always told my mom that I've never met a stranger in my life!

I've heard this phrase before. I know your type gas station going woman.

This may shock you.

Seriously. Sit down.

You're fucking annoying.

I have met strangers. They are people I don't know. They are the people that I don't know which I respect enough to acknowledge I don't know. They are the people I don't know that I don't talk to. Because they don't want to talk to me.

Bitch, I don't want to talk to you. Neither does the woman working behind the counter with the cute haircut. She wants her boyfriend to compliment her. Not you. You have now just scared her. And you have now just convinced yourself, once again, that you have 'never met a stranger.'

To all these people I say this:

Just because you think social boundaries are only there to bring you down, they are not. They are there because that is how the majority of society has been taught to interact, and feels comfortable interacting. I repeat; you are annoying. Stop, just stop.

Number two:

I was at the theater last night following through with my bet. I bought the tickets, then stopped to get some popcorn and Diet Coke. While walking away I overheard/eavesdropped the man behind me saying:

Um...yes we bought the combo. The large combo. The drink needs to be a Coke Zero.

I'm going to end the second part of the story here. I think his comment says enough about him.

I will not end it, however, without giving my rebuttal.

Sir, I say to you. Ordering Coke Zero does not make you manlier than ordering Diet Coke. You now sound like even more of a deuchebag than you would have if you had just ordered the normal delicious zero calorie drink in the first place.

Although in retrospect, he was probably just being nice and ordering his wife's drink.



  1. I love listening to people in public. It reminds me just how fucked that they are and just how normal I am.

  2. i make a living (or used to, cuz i am unemployed now) reading people.

    most people would rather hear themselves than anyone else.

    i have learned to be a better listener in 3d...

    in cyberwebber world...i can be a huge ass! and if i annoy you, you can click away...

    i am prefering the cyberwebber world.

    cuz i am an ass

  3. I can't stand coke zero. The first person is related to me, multiple times. The difference is he says to me 'lets go have lunch' so we go and hes on the phone the whole time

    like he has nothing to say to me but tons to say to everyone else


  4. I get a lot of comments about my hair. Most of them I have heard many times before. I think I hae the answer down pat. But it can be very freaky to have strangers approach you in the public toilets to talk hairdressing

  5. Umm...why get diet or zero if you're getting the LARGE combo anyway. Drink what you get and be fat.


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