Thank You Again, Facebook

An actual post on a facebook status. It was one that a mutual friend posted on, so it showed up on my feed.


"Y do u do this to ur self??? i no u have a good heart n all n u always mean well but u have to stop n this looks like the purfect time just get a job get ur own place n do ur own thing n mayb not worry bout others so much n worry bout u a little more! I seriously believe if u wood do that u wood keep a gf n eventually have a much happier life its ok to care bout sum1 just not so much. U r a good guy n a girl wood b lucky to have u if u get ur priorites strait! plz i dnt like to c hurt n confused!!!"


What. The. Hell.

Oh, and thanks for the easy blog post.

Pending Disaster Could Ensue

We all use Facebook for the same reason. To stalk the people we had crushes on in high school and to see if they became fat. Or to make sure that you are aging the best out of your graduating class. Or to see if that guy you hooked up with last night is really single. Or to make sure your ex is still miserable without you. Or to--

Okay, you get my point.

Stalking. I use Facebook for stalking. You use Facebook for stalking. Santa Clause uses Facebook to stalk the little boys and girls and make sure they're being good and not bad (hmmm.....).

I stalk, you stalk, we all stalk on Facebook.

What I am always afraid is going to happen, though, is that I am going to type someone's name into the status bar instead of the search bar.

Why was your status 'Bob Smith'?

Ummm....That's the name of the new character I have just come up with. I'm trying to personalize him more in my mind and make him real.

Didn't you date a Bob Smith in high school?

No.

Yeah you did. I have pictures of you at the winter dance your Sophomore year.

No you don't....

You can see how this could potentially become awkward.

Speaking of Bob Smith, I'm going to go make sure his new wife isn't prettier than I am...

Let's Mock Boring People Together

I feel like you should all know about my abhoration (that is not pronounced abortion) for facebook by now. It's not even facebook. I have both a personal account and one for this blog. I believe that is is useful for finding out what people are up to without having to go through the mind-numbing process of actually conversing with them.

There's one more thing facebook does.

It has taken the place of face-to-face, or even cell phone, interaction.

I got on today and here is a conversation that stared me in the face and said, you're wasting your time reading this (whatever, not only did I read it but I copied it to put on here).

Status: Fml don't comment


Thing One: Sup
Thing Two: Sup
Thing One: Nada
Thing Two: Your still weak after tonight
Thing One: Really
Thing Two: Ya. You didn't kick it
Thing One: Sooo I'm noooo goood to kick
Thing Two: Lol your good
Thing One: Ok what u doing
Thing Two: Eatin
Thing One: Nice
 
Do you hate yourself yet? Is there a little thought forming inside your brain that is maybe telling you to shoot yourself so you never have to read it again? Yeah, me too.
 
I don't understand this. Facebook even has a chat option. I feel like conversations such as this one are unnecessary in the comments option of the page. They are boring and I am not facebook stalking  you to be bored.
 
So get with the program and post things like 'If Cheese was made from plaster I might still find it delicious enough to eat.' Stuff I can really make fun of you for.

If I Delete My Facebook Friends, Who Will I Have Left?!

You know what I hate? Having too many friends. Gee. I just hate when people try to make plans with me, or talk to me, or try to tell me every little detail of what their lives ensued that day.

Luckily for me it is National Facebook Unfriend Day. Today I can go into my facebook account and 'trim the fat' off of my friends list.

All those times you wished you'd never added Joe Shmoe or Sally Shmally as your friend? Now you have to deal with their uninteresting updates crowding your newsfeed when you'd rather be spending time finding out what the pretty girl who sits next to you in bio-chem is doing.

Today, friends (maybe), you can do something about it. Just remember to follow the guidelines:

""If you wouldn't loan someone $50 unfriend them," Kimmel said. "If you wouldn't invite them to your birthday party, unfriend them. If you wouldn't cry if they got hit by a bus, unfriend them."

I [[Use]] BraCkEts And [[OdD]] Capatilization BeCausE [[I'm]] So [[AngRy]]!!

I've commented before on stupid facebook statuses. This one is from the same person that I talked about here.

I got on facebook and stalked glanced at my friends' statuses, and ran across this one:

"[[f*ck this]]....f*ck him.. ::f*ck her::.... [[⇒⇒f*ck you⇐⇐]] ....... [[f*ck it]]"

Well.... f*ck your life, I guess.

I think that's what she's trying to say at least. I didn't fully get the message. Maybe if she used 'f*ck' a few more times with a few more brackets I'd understand.

Why Are You Telling Me?!

Yesterday wasn't enough for me. I want to do a little more bitching commenting about facebook. What is the [//put] random words brackets about when posting statuses on facebook? Is it supposed to emphasize certain words? Are you trying to tell me that you are in true pain as opposed to the mundane depressing statuses of your friends? Tell me, facebooker! Tell me!

I recently came across this one:

"‎[[ShUt yOUr MouTh]] you [[Dirty]] little hamster!"

First of all, I don't even know what this means. I'm hoping it's a quote from something because I would be severely dissapointed if this person came up with this phrase and thought it was clever. Sorry, I don't think it's going to be the next 'Yo quiero Taco Hell'.

My advice, and I am going to extend this to all facebookers who try to be pensive and clever in their statuses; just don't. That is my catchphrase, or My New Philosophy as Sally Brown would say. Just don't. Think about it, chew on it, maybe even swallow it but then spew it up like a teenage girl trying to be prom queen. The brackets don't make friends, they make friends make fun of you behind your back.

Your Mom's On Facebook

I was talking with my mom about my cousin who posts inappropriate statuses on facebook. Now, they wouldn't be so bad except for the fact that she is "friends" with several of our family members on the site. It got me thinking about the statuses that I put up, and what kinds of things would upset me if they were posted on my wall. I too, by the way, am friends with quite a few family members including my mom on facebook. Also, as a side note, she posted statuses like "f*** you! f*** you! f*** you! f*** you!" and things along the lines of "I love marijuana".

Now my family is fairly liberal, but there are still some lines that shouldn't be crossed and some censorship that should be taken into consideration. I decided to come up with a few statuses and posts that I would not appreciate making their way onto my page.


Hey, is it cool if I get that sack from you by tomorrow?

Today is 'national screw your boyfriend in a park day' Mom, I hope you're proud of what's become of your daughter!

I hope you didn't mean to run that kid on the bike over. Don't worry, I won't tell the cops!

You only shoplifted one bottle of tequila from the store?! That is so not going to last the entire night.

Hey Kara, I hope you used a condom on 'national screw your boyfriend in a park day'. We don't need any little munchkins running around.

So is a UTI a symptom of herpes? Or is it just chlamydia?

So be careful, all of you facebookers out there. God is watching you. I mean your mom is watching you.

GOD Bless America?

I have been looking into the debate going on about the mosque (or more informatively; Community Center) that is to be erected roughly two blocks away from ground zero. To be fair, I'll start with the news debates first. Both sides have fairly good arguments, but both sides are skewing the facts so that they sound one hundred percent right. This is normal in these situations. What I found entertaining was a news segment where they had a mother of a woman who died on 9/11 (for the Community Center) vs. the opinions of a man of Islamic heritage (against the Community Center). Wow. With all of the Americans arguing this point how could they ever have found two people like this to show on the news?! I am astounded and now I just don't know even more how to make up my own mind on this subject!! Come on. There are plenty of victims' families who don't see this as a threat to our nation or a degradation to their deceased loved ones just as there are plenty of people from Islamic background who see this as being unfair to those who still suffer hurt from the falling of the Twin Towers.

On a facebook thread I read there were a few comments that caught my attention. Some were ridiculous, some I agreed with, and some just pissed me off. Here are my comments on a few of them.

(This is the status to start with)
I am well aware how liberal I am and how a lot of people differ from me (family included) and that's fine. That being said, one thing I cannot handle is the radical Islam debate going on right now. Someone just emailed me an article saying we should force all moderate Muslims and imams to sign a declaration of their be...liefs of nonviolence and all this other stuff and hang it on the walls of their Mosque.



Comment: dont like the political bs.. but I love your pics.

Whats your schedule like and rate for a family session>?

Okay, obviously all this says is, "I don't actually have an opinion but I wanted to sound smart anyway and ended up looking like a complete idiot in the process."



Comment: yeah i was reading the newspaper yesterday and there was an article about a non-issue blown out of proportion where someone wants to build a mosque in new york. the racist christian Right is all pissed because obama basically said "this is ...america, people can build their worship centers for any religion wherever zoning regulations allow" so they of course say he's a muslim sympathizer, hates white people and christians are always under attack bla bla bla... boo hoo. fuckin cry babies. i'm more libertarian or something but the mainstream Right just pisses me off they are so simple minded and hateful

Okay, kind of agree, but to be fair that's not all Obama said. He also said something along the lines of 'the feelings of those who still have to suffer the grief of 9/11 should be taken into consideration but according to the first amendment they have every right to build near this site.' (side note, this is just my loose paraphrase)



Comment: There are always going to be fringe opinions...

Um, yes there will....



Comment: signing a piece of paper won't do anything anyway. its just mass appeasement. little stupid formalities to make scared sheep feel better. if you're so messed up that you would strap bombs to your chest to kill yourself and innocent people, i don't think you would have second thoughts about signing some BS declaration.

Whoa. We're not talking about the Taliban sir, or P.O.S. as I like to call you. These are American citizens who are trying to exercise their right to freedom of religion. And again, it's a Community Center not a Mosque if anyone is still confused.



Comment: Everyone who argues we should limit the rights of Muslims instantly shows an allegiance to an authoritarian impulse that is more in line with the thinking in the authoritarian Islamic societies these folks purport to be against than with th...e spirit of freedom we are supposed to be enjoying in America.

Not that we've ever lived up to the ideal of freedom in this country, but it is still pretty sick to see and realize how large this authoritarian impulse is here.

A bit Extreme, but also funny in an ironic-it's-kinda-true sorta way.



There were many, many more comments on this status that go along the same lines as well as different ones. These generally just show me the ignorance of the general population when it comes to having opinions about matters such as these. Roughly under seventy percent of the population is supposed to be against the building of this Community Center (repeat it after me one more time; Community Center). Who are these people and how much research have they done on the subject? How the hell did they even get these statistics. Okay, I took a stats course and I know how they got the statistics but these can be easily skewed in the direction that is desired.

I say no matter what the opinion, the Constitution stands. This group of people have a legal right to build a Community Center on their own property just as all of those uneducated morons out there have a right to have an opinion on it.

P.S: Did you see what I did with the choosing of the comments I talked about? Yep, skewed in the favor of my opinion to make people disagreeing with me seem like bigoted idiots.