Beer? Or Maybe Just A Glass Of A Better Personality With A Lemon Twist?

Today I would like to like to talk about the specimen know as the non-drinker. Personally, I do not have a problem with people who don't drink. I'm proud of you for making good life decisions. Plus, you probably feel a hell of a lot better in the afternoon morning when you wake up.

At work, it is demanded that I suggest alcoholic drinks to my customers. We serve alcohol, and if you come in we would like you to drink some of it. Pretty simple. I usually just suggest a Bud Light or a Margarita. It's what you'll probably order anyway so it looks better if I'm right. Then people think I'm magic. Then they give me a better tip (sometimes).

My problem lies with those non-drinking specimen who get offended when I offer them alcohol. This happened to me the other night. I asked a man if he wanted a Bud Light while he was waiting for the rest of the party to get there. He jutted his head backwards, raised his eyebrows and smirked a bit with the right side of his mouth.

"Noo-o-oo..." he said (say this out loud and make your voice go higher with each 'o' to where it almost sounds like a question at the end. It's not a question, though. It's just condescending).

The other two at the table chortled along with him and all looked at me like I was an idiot.

Look Mr. Deuchy. I have no idea that you don't drink alcohol. I am just trying to do my job and make your ticket as high as a can so that I can get more than a measly two dollars for having to laugh at your awful jokes for an hour.

Here's my advice. Get a shirt (or sweatshirt because it is getting a bit chilly outside) made that clearly states 'I do not drink alcohol so please don't ask me if I want a beer.' If you wear that shirt in my section I'll probably comment on it in a way that makes you think I'm not making fun of you, but I won't pressure you to put any sinful goodness near your lips.

Or just sling back a few cold ones so it won't be so painful when they pry that stick out of your ass.