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Saturday, December 11, 2010

I Have A Dream, A Song To Sing....Okay Just A Job To Get

As you all may or may not know, I hate my job. Okay hate is a bit strong. I really really really really really hate my job.

I think it's time for a new one.

So I am going to undertake the task of writing my resume so that I can send it in to places that will make me feel like an actual grown-up instead of a really old teenager.

So let's see....

Relevant skills:

I can drink the shit out of diet coke. If the building should ever be flooded with foaming waves of this delicious beverage, just give me a glass and I'll probably save the building before your paperwork even gets wet.

I have an intense gift of sarcasm. I can probably find a way to make fun of anything that you throw in front of me and you may or may not know that I am doing it. Until later. When you sadly realize that I was really making fun of you the entire time. Then you cry. Crying keeps the moral down. That way the employees don't rebel. Therefore, I will keep your organization working smoothly together under the nonsense rules that you have put in place.

I have very large, expressive brown eyes. When I look sad people like to give me things. You can use this to your advantage. Just place me in front of a difficult client and they will give in within ten seconds of looking at the downtrodden expression embedded in my retinas.

I can smoke a cigarette in under five minutes. This will ensure that I spend less time dilly-dallying out back, and more time pretending to work up front.

I am great at Super Mario World. Inter-company competitions? Never fear! You will leave the rest in shame if you have me on your team!

So there you have it. Those are my skills. Think I have a chance of getting my dream job by the weekend?


  1. Kara, you have many other skills as well. For example, you can put down a 1.5 of whiskey in about 5 hours (with the help of yours truly), you can talk non-stop for several hours (especially if there is whiskey involved), you are really good at carrying a lot of things at the same time (it comes from the serving skills), and nobody, I mean NOBODY can river-dance at the end of the pool table like you.
    Love, Shmichelle.

  2. absolutely!!!

    god knows there are plenty of great highpaying jobs out there...

    you'll be fine!!!

    and if anon is correct you have other mad skills...(green with envy)

    id hire you in an instant, but im kinda unemployed as well...

    oh and i live in another state...

    oh yeah and i don't have a business..


    good luck and all that..

    Bruce Johnson JADIP
    stupid stuff i see and hear
    the guy book
    the guy book

  3. Haha, Shmishelle you know just what to say to make me happy. And the riverdancing thing doesn't count.

    Bruce, except for the riverdancing (which I don't remember doing) she is right. I can do all of those things. Especially talk non-stop. My body just stores up oxygen so that I don't have to breathe. Kinda like holding your breath under water. It's a skill I have spent many years working up.

  4. That breath-holding skill can come in handy for so many different'll have a new job in no time.

  5. hahah i like it! i think your sarcasm alone will get you the job! lol :)

    mind getting me a new one too? thanks. let me know what you need me to do.

  6. you're hired. I need a godmother for my children...

  7. I'd hire you. We can both leave our jobs to play Mario all day! Of coures, I may have to pay you in popcorn or diet soda, but at least you've got a job offer now! ;) Good luck!


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