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Wednesday, December 1, 2010

No Means No...Unless It's You Telling Me To Stop Wearing Vanilla

I remember a manager that used to work at Shmupplebees a few years ago. This guy was a grade-A creepster. Seriously. He told one girl that he wanted to take her virginity. Not. Kidding.

I'm not what you call a touchy-feely type. I don't really like hugs. Or people touching me. It's just annoying to me. If people insist on putting their hands on me against my will (I call this personal space raping) I choose to lecture them about my distaste for physical contact until they are so annoyed that they won't even want to speak to me again. Whatever. Less touching in my life then.

This manager, let's calls him Shrigolicious, kept giving me the back pat-rubs. You know what I'm talking about. Find someone right now, pat their back a couple times lightly, then rub your hand in a small circle. Judge their reaction. I bet you a kitten's life that they're creeped out.

After asking him to stop politely a few times to no avail, I finally gave him the famous Kara-lecture.

"Look, Shrigolicious, I don't really liked to be touched. I've asked you to stop so you are now legally not allowed to touch me. Anything further is considered harassment. Plus, I find you severely annoying. So Stop. Now."

He found it appropriate to take this time to ask me this following question:

"So....If you don't like people touching you what do you do about sex?"

I informed him that he did not need to know, now or ever, the answer to that question because it would never pertain to him.

Cree-per...  (Do that in a sing-song voice)

Dumb bastard made the mistake of telling me one time that he hated the smell of vanilla bath products.

Shrigolicious, Bath and Body Works thanks you. They got a hell-of-a-lot-of revenue in the vanilla department soon after that.

And you better believe my ass bathed/shampooed/conditioned/was sprayed in it every shift I worked.

Until he was fired.

For too many sexual harassment complaints.

Go figure....


  1. Good on ya!
    Total fucking creeper and we've all met them and/or worked for them.

  2. I love vanilla, good thing that creeper got fired. I hope when I do start working I won't have to deal with people like that on the normal basis.

  3. Kara

    here is the formula for linking...i finally figured a way to put it in a comment without havin it become a link...

    <-a- h-r-e-f=""->visions unto myself<-/a->

    copy and paste to a word doc and remove all the (cuz i know you love hy-phens) and leave the SPACE between the a and the h in the beginning..

    if you already figured it out, cool...

    oh and great post...
    *Cree-per... (Do that in a sing-song voice)*
    funny funny funny..adn LOL...

    bruce johnson jadip
    stupid stuff i see and hear

  4. wow. he totally is a creep. seriously.

    i must admit though, i usually am not a fan of vanilla scented things, either. but i also am not creepy. unless i am blogstalking. but everyone does that, so it doesnt count.

    :) thanks for dropping by. i like this post. i intend to stay. :)

  5. Bruce, thank you so much!

    The test comment is a success.

    And beware. These people are everywhere. They're in your school, your work, your playground (watch your kids), and sometimes your home (lock your doors).

    The trick is to find their weak spot so that you can properly annoy them into never speaking to you again.

  6. Oh, and Corey, welcome to my blog!

  7. That's so funny...I hate people fucking touching me, too. I will give hugs, but only rarely, and if you rub my back, you'll be in for a groin kick or a tit punch.

  8. @ Kara- koolbaby!

    @mrs hyde- *huhuh..huhuh...she said tit punch...


    stupid stuff i see and hear
    bruce johnson jadip

  9. Hello friends of Kara this is Smichelle, the room mate, again. I just want to let you know that this asshole was not only a creepster, he was an idiot. He actually got fired not for harassing employees, although if Shmupplebees was a more upstanding and integretious (is that a word?) organization that would/should have been the reason. He was fired for harassing guests; yep 2 patrons of our lovely establishment were harassed to the point of calling the corporate offices to have this schmuck removed. Thank God it worked.


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