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Wednesday, January 12, 2011

I Want A Klondike Bar Before I Hang Out With You

When I was in fifth grade, my class took a field trip to Accra, Ghana. Ghana is the neighboring country to Cote d'Ivoire (seriously, someone tell me how to put those damn symbols in here. I'm screwing up words left and right because of that) where I grew up. Well, where I lived as a child would be more accurate.

One day, we were out and about doing all the fun touristy things that you get to do when you visit countries, and we ended up at this restaurant. To eat. A bunch of fifth graders. Finding food for them is inevitable.

Each of the tables was a separate gazebo. The gazebos had numbers on them. I should tell you now that I am not always a nice person. Unless you cry and then I am only nice because tears scare me. I'm worse than a guy in that department.

Well, my two bestest-fifth-grade-friends and I were in one of the gazebos together. Lets just say the number was 54. We were making passes and handing them out to other students so they could come back to our gazebo. Look. I was in fifth grade. Well, this girl, we'll just call her Shmamber, wanted a pass too. Now, Shmamber was a very pretty, very prissy, kind-of-stuck-up blonde. We didn't like her. She thought she was the shiznit and we knew we were the shiznit, so you see where the conflict would come in.

My friend made her a pass. Whatever. But as soon as Shmamber left to go to her own gazebo, or go stare at herself in a mirror, my friend leans over to me and whispers:

I wrote 52 on her pass. Now she can't get back in.


  1. are you still in touch with those friends?

  2. you are so mean...

    i think i will cry.

    hahahahhaha gotcha!

    bruce johnson jadip
    stupid stuff i see and hear
    Bruce’s guy book
    the guy book
    Dreamodel Guy

  3. I NEVER would have been that clever in grade school!

  4. @ Lorenzo - I am in touch with them through facebook, but I rarely interact with them, along with all of my other Africa friends. Kind of the same concept as people you went to high school with.

    @ Bruce - Please don't cry! I promise I'll get Tucker extra chew toys when I'm rich!

    @ S1N1337 - In the emotional sense, we kind of did on that.

    @ Anything Fits - I think you are the first person to call me clever on this. Most just look at me like, 'I can't believe I'm friends with you. You are now a jackass.' To which I remind them that they already knew I was a jackass before I told them the story.

  5. I'll give you a Klondike bar if you give me vodka.

  6. Done!

    Oh crap...wait...which one do I want more?!

  7. One less dead kitten. That is good.

    Hi Kara,

    Found out about your blog from Bruce, and I'm glad I did. Hilarious, but also beautifully crafted writing. I'm gonna follow you.

    Cheers, Rick

    PS Here's a link to page that shows how to type any of those accent characters.

    And here's how to type the symbol in question in "Côte d'Ivoire." It's a "o" with a "circumflex," btw. Don't know the French name for it.
    Windows: ô ALT + 0244 or 147
    Mac: OPTION + I, release then type O

  8. This comment has been removed by the author.

  9. Damn, I'm on a roll. I posted a correction to typo, then made another typo!

    Anyway, that should have been:
    Windows: ALT + 0244 or 147
    NOT Windows: ô ALT + 0244 or 147

  10. Ummm, whats a klondike bar?
    I had to ask, I like kittens

  11. Maybe if her parents hadn't named her Schmambert she might have been nicer...just a thought! lol

  12. @ Richard - Beautifully crafted? That makes me feel awesome! I just normanlly type this crap out and post it by the seat of my pants. And thank you for the link. I will check it out.

    @ Bacon Sandwich - As long as you have the right number on your pass you can come into our gazebo.

    @ Mynx - I will dedicate my next post to answering your question.

    @ Sandra - Sadly, I think she was nice if I remember correctly. We were the assholes. She probably got mean during high school though. Yeah, that makes me feel better, I mean, I bet she did!


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