Say Hello To Me!

Do you have unanswered life questions? Maybe you just want to say hello to me. Well, you're welcome to e-mail me at karahoag@yahoo.com. If nothing else it just makes me happy.

Friday, December 17, 2010

Thirty and Flirty Repost

I may have spent my blogging time taking a nap today. Luckily for you I was just as funny a few months ago as I am today. So, without further ado, here is a lovely repost for you go enjoy. So enjoy it!!!!

Thirty Flirty and...Oh Wait, You're Just Insecure About Turning Forty


I feel like I've mentioned this, but I don't feel like actually checking so I will state it again; I work in a restaurant as a server. This is important because it gives me a broader vicinity in which to interact with people, and therefore more opportunity to make fun of them. Tonight I served a gentleman and his young son. This is roughly how part of the conversation went.



Me: "Here's your drinks, do you know what you want to order?"

Thirty to forty year old man: "We'd just like to sit for awhile. My twin boys are evil and I finally got rid of one of them so I'd like to sit here and drink an abundance of beer while pretending to take care of my son."

Me: "Alright sir, well take your time deciding because I definitely have nothing better to do."



After awhile I went back and the kid ordered a corndog. In the process of getting the corndog choice out of the child I had to deal with more conversation.



Me: "Have you finally decided because I would like to buy beer while I still can."

Thirty to forty year old man to son: "Is this the one you thought was cute?"

Son: "I like to pretend that I like girls more than I do at my young age so that my father who neglects me unless I'm forced upon him by his ex-wife/my mother will think I'm worth paying attention to."

Me: "He's just insecure about the fact that he's going to be forty soon and doesn't really love you. Sorry kid, I hate your dad and he's just using you to hit on a mid-twenties waitress who he probably thinks is in her very early twenties because he has no concept of age due to the large amount of beer he has drank tonight."

Son: "I hate my life."

Me: "Me too. It'll get better once you're old enough to drink beer."

Son: "I'll have a corndog and my father is going to take years off of your life due to the immense amount of time it will take him to decide what he wants when in actuality he's just going to order a sandwich togo and waste your time."



Indeed, after drinking more beers than I was legally allowed to give him (and did anyway because I really do not care) the man orders a reuben togo. They were in there for over an hour during which time I had to go up to them randomly, pretend to care what he was saying, and pretend to like his kid. Their bill came to a little under twenty-seven dollars. He hands me twenty-eight and tells me he does not need any change. I put up with a lot of assholes at my job but that is because I'm a personality whore and I love money. So to you thirty-to-forty-year-old-man, I say this...



You are almost forty. Your child is not half bad but you talk about how terrible he is in front of him to make your crappy existence feel better by making someone feel bad about themselves. You are teaching him to treat women very poorly and using him to try and seduce young servers into thinking that you are charming. This means you sneakily sexually harass women through your son and he will probably learn the same disgusting habits that you have. This also means that unless he turns out good looking he will never get laid on a regular basis. After all this you left me a dollar because god forbid I wouldn't flirt back with you. This is because you are almost forty and you treat your son like crap. I am in my mid-twenties and I have no children so I am not interested in you, your dollar or your son. Also, you're almost forty; sorry about your luck on that one.

6 comments:

  1. Sorry about that man doing that. I hate how people (especially men) treat you like crap when you don't give them that kind of attention. It's annoying.

    http://theadorkableditzmissteps.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
  2. Ugh! Don't you hate losers? You try not to be mean to them, but they make it so hard.

    ReplyDelete
  3. looks like a job for Evil Bruce!!!

    btw- i love the repost thing...it is so much easier than actually thinking...

    Bruce
    bruce johnson jadip
    And
    evilbruce
    stupid stuff i see and hear
    and
    The guy book
    the guy book

    ReplyDelete
  4. seriously, that is ridiculous. let me kick him in the go-nads for you? what a jerk.

    also, i do need to fix one thing about your buttons, for sure. i put the link in for the blogger one incorrectly. let me know when you want me to and i can go in real quick and insert the correct html.

    ReplyDelete
  5. The first part to my comment has absolutely nothing to do with this post. It's only purpose is to help inflate the head of the hilarious Kara.

    Dearest roomie Kara,

    Today I opened my Google Chrome tab and on the list of most frequently visited sites is your blog, Google knows how much I love you. I don't have to type the address in anymore, I merely have to click the icon for it and Google magic makes your witty words, stupendous stories and jolly jokes appear on my screen. Isn't it wonderful?!?!?!

    Your loving and supportive roomie,

    Shmichelle

    The second part...fuck it. The first part says it all. =)

    ReplyDelete
  6. Want me to fight him? I'll fight him.

    ReplyDelete

Everytime you don't leave a comment, God kills a kitten. Just think about that. Also comments make me smile.