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Saturday, February 12, 2011

When Maidens Play

One magical night a young-ish beautiful maiden by the name of Kara decided to enjoy a few beers at her apartment. She was having a wonderful evening with her roommate, Shmishelle, and their boyfriends when she became very sleepy. Kara was led to a gloriously soft bed where she put her head down on the lovely pillow and closed her drooping brown eyes.

After laying there for a minute, Kara decided that she wanted to wake up a bit so that she could have a cheeseburger. She opened one squinting eye to see how it felt. When a few seconds had passed she felt awake enough to let the other eye peek through its lid. Wrinkling her nose in groggy concentration, Kara reached over to her bookshelf where she had set her goblet of whiskey and diet coke. She took a few deep breaths because, even though her eyes had been closed when her handsome boyfriend had claimed her drink as his own, her maiden ears had heard the prolonged tinkling of extra whiskey being poured into the goblet. Being the strong and brave maiden she was, Kara decided to have a drink of it anyway even though she knew how strong it would be.

She drew the goblet to her lips and gasped as the sour liquid reached her lips. She puckered her lips and set the drink down after taking a large maiden-like gulp from the brimming edge.

Suddenly, Kara knew that something was not right. She took a few more deep breaths but realized that her saliva was collecting in the back corners of her mouth. Trying to ignore it, Kara got up and went to the bathroom to relieve herself (go pee). While sitting on the porcelain throne, she began sucking steady inserts of air into her lungs, trying to make the feeling go away. The whiskey demon was not to be slain, however. Struggling to gather paper from the roll next to her throne, she hurriedly wiped herself before standing up, turning around and relieving herself from a different direction.

Standing there, bent over the throne with her pants clutched between her thighs, the beautiful maiden wished with all her might that no one chose to check on her at this moment for fear that they would her maiden-like behind as soon as they walked in. She continued to dispose of the night's previous beers into the throne until she stood up, pulled her pants up and thought to herself, God. This would make an excellent post for my blog!

Happy Half-Assed Weekend!


  1. I so adore stories told from the porcelain throne.

  2. I am starting to become convinced that these "half-assed" posts are the best.

    For though you wrapped this whole post in in a mythical, fable-like context (clever, that) it had the grit and rawness of hard-edged truth. Been there. Done that.

    (Except, whiskey does not taste "sour" to me. Smoky. Burning. Hot. But I'm a guy. And I LIKE whiskey.)

    Cheers, Kara. You rule.

  3. delightful. i love it when half hte maidens ass is bared...

  4. Oh dear, poor Lady Kara. But an excellent post. hehe

  5. That would have been an interesting image to walk in on.
    Hope you're feeling better.

    The Adorkable Ditz' Missteps


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