I have decided to pout all day today. The grumpy-stick-my-lip-out kind of pout. I may include a nose wrinkle if not enough people ask me what's wrong. And you all need to know that I have huge puppy dog brown eyes. Not the scary round kind of big eyes. Mine are still a bit almond shaped even though they've built a house, put up a white picket fence, and bought a dog on half my face. Point being that I'm going to put my lip out, wrinkle my nose and make people feel sorry for me all day.
I'm also about to go to the liquor store and buy a LOT of alcohol. Don't worry, I'm going to stick to beer (mostly) before my shift tomorrow but this server is definitely going in at least a sheet and a half to the wind.
Tonight, I am going to drink at least a bottle of wine and possibly some whiskey. This will turn my pouty face into a "MmI Haf Tsoh Wrofk Thanshkgifing.....mmmmThpppp!" Insert more sad face. Okay, by now it will be more of a grumpy 'I'm really drunk' kind of face. Also, insert multiple deep sighs to make sure everyone around me is paying attention.
I will wake up tomorrow and drink a red beer to make myself feel better. For those of you who don't know, that is simply beer with tomato juice. It's delicious. Try one. Then I will tally how many beers I am able to down before my shift starts. Then I will stumble my ass into Shmupplebees. Then I will glare at people for approximately four to five hours.
After that is said and done I am going to come home, drink the second bottle of wine that I have purchased for my holiday occasion, and then make shots that include the whiskey. I will then slightly slur SHOTS! to everyone around me (most likely my boyfriend and his roommate) until people join in on the holiday cheer. I will then pour more shots and pout until someone takes them with me. Rinse, repeat. Rinse, repeat.
I am going to be blackout drunk by this point so I have no more information for you. End of post.
Happy Thanksgiving!
(And for all of you reading this, I really do hope that you have a great holiday. Be merry, drink wine, and make a cheers to Kara Hoag!)
kara-
ReplyDeletered beer its not just for breakfast any more...
i will start making a cheers to you tonight right after i pick up some coke to mix with my fresh halfgallon of whiskey...i am on the Rodrigez tonight...i wrote ablog a while back tha describes this phenomenon short version=(flying solo no wife no kids just me and the TuckMonster)
and i will plan on cheersing thruout the weekend for you...cuz the wife and kid take off for the weekend...leaving me time to do all kinds of crazy stuff...
it does suck majorly that you have to work tomorrow, but i bet a buzz will make it better...
cheers!
This right here...Mine are still a bit almond shaped even though they've built a house, put up a white picket fence, and bought a dog on half my face....is why I love you! See, I've been wondering what my eyes were up to, but now I'm convinced they're in the market for a house with a white picket fence too! Fuckers!
ReplyDeleteBruce, thank you for the multiple future cheers'. They make me feel loved.
ReplyDeleteSandra, I hope your eyes are cat people because they take less time to care for than dogs. And you have kids so you need more time than I do.
Kara
ReplyDeletealthoguh i cajft see wht o amd typig cuz i cheerzed too much youara welcomed...
lsove is the andlwer...
cheer....zzzzz
zzz
zzzz
damn droolspot on the keeysboard
Sadly, bruce, I was able to understand that right away. You should thank a friend I have who is a REALLY bad texter. I got really good at deciphering things.
ReplyDeletesadly kara- that is how i type everything, sober or drunk...lots of typos and lots of corrections...and in the last 15 minutes lots of water...
ReplyDeletenow back the whiskey...gotta finish up my posts for tomorrow...
and finish this bottle...
cuz they will make more..oh yes they will make more...
Hope you are enjoying your holiday doll. Stop by my place for some special holiday blog love!!!
ReplyDeletewww.rantsravesfactsandfics.blogspot.com